


itd be less gay if we porked

by asterisco



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, M/M, Sibling Love, beta kids - Freeform, bffsies r where its at, gAYYYY she shouted into the sky, pesterfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-20
Updated: 2012-09-20
Packaged: 2017-11-14 17:01:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/517522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asterisco/pseuds/asterisco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Jade decide to see who can win over their interests before the other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	itd be less gay if we porked

**Author's Note:**

> PESTERCHUM FORMATTING LATER

\--tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG]!--  
TT: Were the roses for me?  
TT: I appreciate the silly but endearing sentiment.  
GG: oh, you got them!!  
GG: hehe im glad you like them :)  
TT: How could I not?  
TT: Really, though. Of all the different kinds of flowers you could have sent me, you opted for (and the asterisks are for emphasis, as pesterchum doesn't allow much in the ways of using italics) *black roses*?  
GG: geez willy missy is that irritation i detect??  
TT: Any irritation in my text was entirely unintentional.  
TT: I was merely trying to convey a bemused fondness of sorts.  
GG: hehe. ok!  
GG: well even though its probably be more up daves department i thought you'd appreciate the irony of receiving roses since yknow your names rose!  
TT: Do you really know what irony means?  
TT: Because Dave certainly doesn't.  
TT: I don't suggest basing your definition of the word off of him.  
GG: oh, sh!  
GG: and since youre all into the SPOOKY GHOST GIRL thing i started specially breeding some pretty black roses for you!!!  
GG: i thought they'd be right up your alley.  
GG: :)  
TT: Oh, I see.  
TT: Goodness, there isn't much I can say to convey my gratitude.  
GG: how about saying "oh jade you're the best let me kiss your feet in gratitude of your brilliant gardening skills!!!"  
GG: but "thank you" works too!  
TT: Thank you.  
GG: <3  
GG: oh, i have to go do a thing!  
GG: brb  
TT: Well, I'm certainly not doing much at the moment.  
TT: I'll await for you feverishly.

\--gardenGnostic [GG] is now an idle chum!--

\--gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]!--

GG: hey bro!  
GG: news flash!!!  
GG: !!!!!!!!!!  
GG: !!!!!!!!!  
GG: !!!!!!!!  
EB: nope not letting you continue the whole shout pole pyramid shtick.  
GG: awwww.  
EB: so, what's your late breaking news, miss harley?  
GG: well, the weather for the next week will be consistently sunny  
GG: theres been a miraculous lack of bank robberies recently  
GG: and rose liked the roses!!!!!  
EB: sheesh, i told you she would!  
GG: but i was afraid shed think they were silly.  
EB: jade.  
EB: you ARE silly.  
EB: that's probably why we all love you so much. so calm down!  
EB: i'm glad she liked them, though.  
GG: so am i! obviously. :p  
GG: enough about me though. how goes the courtship of our favorite coolkid?  
EB: bluhhhhhhhh.  
EB: i knew you would bring that up.  
GG: oh, shoosh! thats the whole point of our alliance  
GG: "Team Prospit Pursues Two Aloof Blonde Kids!"  
GG: i cant help if you dont fucking tell me how it's going >:(  
EB: wow, she's pulled out the angry emoticon. i'm shaking in my boots over here.  
EB: look at how my boots remain still as i quiver like a leaf in them.  
EB: you're sooo intimidating.  
GG: shut up and tell me already  
EB: ...no progress.  
GG: no fair! we made a deal!  
EB: ...  
GG: if i sent the flowers, you'd send him your cute little poem!  
EB: one, i only said i might.  
EB: two, it's a manly ironic rap. not a poem.  
EB: third, SHHHHHHH.  
GG: chicken  
EB: am not!  
GG: bawk baaaaawk!!!!!!!  
EB: oh my god, jade.  
GG: im john egbert AND MY OWN SISTER HAS MORE BALLS THAN ME BECAUSE IM A HUGE FUCKASSY CHICKEN!!!  
EB: i know you're only trying to spur me on!  
GG: look at me all embarrassed to send a teensy fourteen line poem to my crush  
EB: fine! oh my god. are all sisters this fucking irritating?  
GG: tell me how it goes! ive been leaving rose hanging for about thirty minutes  
EB: oh, okay.  
GG: you better have done it by the time ive gotten back to you!  
GG: he's not even online  
EB: a fucking rare occurrence.  
GG: whatever!  
GG: remember: if i get asked out first i win  
EB: as if you'd let me forget!  
EB: i will SO get asked out first.  
GG: says the boy who can't even make the first move!!  
EB: oh my god?!?!  
-gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]!-  
EB: ...  
EB: i am SO going to win.

-gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]!-

GG: hi again!  
TT: How did you fare in "doing a thing"?  
GG: the thing has been done and taken care of!  
TT: Alright.  
TT: So, how have you been?  
GG: oh, great! i slept in this morning and decided to check on my garden  
GG: thats when i decided to sendificate the roses to you!  
GG: they looked really nice today  
GG: by the way, they didnt like.  
GG: land on your head or anything right???  
TT: No, they didn't.  
TT: They appeared quite nicely atop my bed.  
GG: oh good  
GG: though it wouldve been kinda funny if they randomly appeared and feel on your head!!  
GG: hehehe  
TT: I don't know, Jade. These thorns look a bit sharper than what is normally comfortable.  
GG: oh well i didnt mean LITERALLY I mean  
TT; Calm down, I was joking.  
GG: you JOKE?  
TT: I thought you knew me well enough to be aware I did.  
GG: but THAT was a joke.  
TT: Lol.  
GG: and what about you?? how was your day?  
TT: Oh, nothing much happened today. My waking hours were spent reading, feeding my cats, and chatting with Dave.  
TT: And of course, you.  
GG: i thought dave was offline?  
TT: He wasn't earlier, you were probably asleep.  
TT: You are twelve hours behind me, after all.  
GG: well at least we can still talk!  
TT: It's not the worst time zone difference. Even if it was, I'm sure we'd have managed another way.  
GG: youd create a schedule to talk to me?  
TT: If I didn't, I get the impression I'd miss out.  
TT: It'd be hard to not try and make time for you.  
GG: geez i feel special.  
TT: Trust me, Jade. I've never met another girl like you.  
GG: awww!!! <3  
GG: thats one of the sweetest things youve ever said!!  
TT: Am I not the sweetest and most demure girl you know?  
GG: :p  
TT: Thank you for that extremely specific answer.  
TT: There were millions of answers hidden in that emoticon's eyes.  
TT: For a brief second, I peered into its very text-based soul.  
GG: :P!!!  
TT: I think it whispered gentle condolences into my ear.  
TT: I'm almost certain it said something about you and your penchant for such Internet smilies.  
TT: And how I'll soon be forced to succumb to your grand, vaguely horrifying kingdom where no one can write a sole letter of the alphabet with a colon preceding it.  
GG: :0  
TT: Or roman numeral.  
GG: (^з^)-☆  
TT: I'm going to assume that was copy-pasted from a list of "kawaii emoticons" on some text and picture based social blogging website.  
GG: *･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*  
TT: I'm also going to assume you don't actually have those keys on your keyboard. It isn't on most English standard fare.  
GG: you sure are talky!  
GG: its cute  
GG: how wordy you get sometimes.  
GG: brb again!

-gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] !-

TT: You're the cute one.  
TT: I wonder if there's a past log reading fiction.

-ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] !-

EB: there, i did it.  
EB: i'll show you the log and everything when he replies!  
EB: if he even replies.  
EB: i wouldn't reply.  
EB: i really have no fucking clue how this is gonna turn out.  
EB: at least i can always write it off as a joke, right?  
EB: right??  
EB: right?????  
EB: RIGHT?!??!  
EB: why the fuck are you afk.  
EB: are you asleep?  
EB: jaaaaaaaaade.  
GG: calm down i was busy  
GG: but yay john!!  
GG: you did it!!!!  
EB: yaaaaay.  
GG: did he message you back yet??  
EB: relax, jade! he just got online.  
EB: goddammit. he just replied.  
EB: you jinxed me, jade.  
EB: how could you?  
GG: calm down  
EB: easy for you to say!  
GG: just see what he said! sheesh  
GG: and report back to me!!!  
EB: blah blah blah i'm jade and i like to overuse exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!  
GG: hey.  
EB: kxkzgd  
\--ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]!--  
GG: HEY!!!!  
GG: i wasnt done dammit. >:I

\--turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering ectoBiologist [EB]!--  
\--turntechGodhead [TG] sent ectoBiologist [EB] file: wowegbert.txt !--  
TG: hate to be redundant but  
TG: wow egbert  
TG: i liked the part about my piercing red gaze  
EB: it was a joke!  
EB: haha, lol.  
TG: but "his sun deprived pasty skin glowing in the night with the light of a million douchbags"??  
TG: best line in there  
TG: better than shakespeare  
TG: have you considered creative writing as a career  
EB: shut up!!  
EB: oh my fucking god.  
EB: i know it sucked, okay?  
TG: it most certainly did bro  
TG: but in a kinda sweet and warm and fuzzy kind of way  
TG: for some reason i dont want to punch you  
TG: i kinda want to hug you instead  
TG: hm how bout that  
EB: ?  
TG: i mean it wasnt that offensive  
TG: you could have biked down south to texas threw rocks up twenty stories to my window and screamed out an ode to puppets via bullhorn all while embracing nic cage and delicately groping liv tylers barely concealed left breast  
EB: oh my god i would never do that  
TG: heh just fucking w you  
EB: i know.  
EB: so let me get this straight-  
EB: this ISN'T the lamest thing i've ever done?  
TG: nah its cutting close  
TG: but i  
TG: kinda  
TG: am not completely repulsed and filled with an inexplicable longing to end our friendship due to your butchering of the english language  
TG: but really there isnt much thatd even make me consider that  
TG: youre kinda stuck w me  
EB: wow. you're acting a lot cooler about this than i expected.  
TG: whatchu talkin bout willis im always cooler than expected  
EB: i'm going to kindly ignore how embarrassing that statement was, even though that would have proves my whole point.  
TG: thanks  
EB: i know.  
EB: i'm the best.  
EB: by the way.  
TG: yeah?  
EB: how could i be hugging nic cage and groping liv tyler at the same time?  
TG: oh well  
TG: itd sorta be a one hand around him, other hand reaching for the goods kinda deal  
EB: .......


End file.
